The clash between eating disorder recovery and perfectionism: Why letting go is key

At Dovetail Counseling Group, we often see how perfectionism can complicate the journey to recovery from an eating disorder. The drive for perfection is a common trait among those struggling with eating disorders, and it can create significant obstacles in the recovery process.

Understanding why perfectionism and eating disorder recovery don’t mix can be crucial in finding a healthier path to healing.

1. Perfectionism Fuels Unrealistic Standards

Perfectionism involves setting impossibly high standards for oneself and striving to meet them at all costs. In the context of an eating disorder, this often translates to obsessive focus on body image, weight, and eating behaviors.

When recovering from an eating disorder, aiming for perfection can lead to continuous self-criticism and unrealistic expectations. This mindset can make it difficult to embrace the gradual progress that recovery requires. Instead of celebrating small victories, perfectionists may feel they’re failing if they don’t meet their stringent standards.

Solution: Find ways to enjoy and celebrate small wins. EVen taking 1 bite of a fear food, delaying a compulsive weigh in by 30 seconds, or being honest in a therapy for the first time are all MAJOR wins. Give yourself credit where it is due!

2. Perfectionism Can Increase Relapse Risk

Perfectionists often place immense pressure on themselves to achieve flawless results. This pressure can create an environment of stress and anxiety, which can increase the likelihood of relapse.

In recovery, the stress of maintaining a perfect recovery can become overwhelming, leading individuals to revert to old behaviors as a coping mechanism. The fear of not meeting high standards can overshadow the fundamental goal of achieving a balanced and healthy relationship with food and body image.

Solution: Talk about where you feel you are failing in your recovery with your therapist. This can help you learn something new to overcome wherever you are stuck. More than anything, your therapist is there to guide you on the low moments, but we can't help if we don't know where you're stuck!

3. Perfectionism Can Hinder Self-Compassion

Perfectionism often involves harsh self-criticism and a lack of self-compassion. Those with eating disorders may internalize negative beliefs about themselves and their bodies, exacerbating feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.

Recovering from an eating disorder requires cultivating self-compassion and treating oneself with kindness. Perfectionism, with its focus on flaws and shortcomings, undermines this crucial aspect of healing. Without self-compassion, it becomes challenging to maintain motivation and engage fully in the recovery process.

Tip: Treat yourself as you would treat others, which includes both a healthy dose of compassion and responsibility. When confronting a mistake or failure, it is helpful to both show yourself some grace and expect yourself to do better next time.

4. Perfectionism Can Obscure the True Goals of Recovery

Perfectionists may approach recovery with the goal of achieving a specific, ideal outcome, such as a particular weight or body shape, rather than focusing on overall well-being.

This narrow focus can muddle the broader goals of recovery, which include developing a healthy relationship with food, improving self-esteem, and addressing underlying emotional issues. A fixation on perfection can divert attention from these essential aspects of healing.

Solution: Set recovery goals that emphasize holistic well-being rather than specific, ideal outcomes. Focusing on being happy vs. being in a 'perfect body' are very different end-points to work towards.

5. Perfectionism Can Isolate and Impede Support

People struggling with perfectionism may fear judgment or failure and thus isolate themselves from others. This isolation can prevent individuals from seeking or accepting support during recovery.

Isolation can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and hopelessness, making it harder to engage in recovery and access necessary support. Recovery can be done alone in principal, but it is worlds easier to do so with the love and support of people who know you and want the best for you.

Solution: Build a support network and reach out for help when needed. Come to every one of your therapy meetings that you can and use the time to dive deep on your issues. Your bond with your therapist can make all the difference in the healing process!

Conclusion

The pursuit of perfection can create significant barriers in the recovery process for those with eating disorders. Perfectionism fuels unrealistic standards, increases relapse risk, hinders self-compassion, obscures the true goals of recovery, and can lead to isolation. Embracing a balanced approach and focusing on progress rather than perfection can lead to a more effective and sustainable recovery.

At Dovetail Counseling Group, we are dedicated to supporting individuals in their recovery journey, helping them navigate the challenges of perfectionism, and fostering a healthier relationship with food and body image. If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder and perfectionism, reach out to us for guidance and support.

Contact us today to explore how we can support your recovery journey and help you embrace a more balanced and compassionate approach to healing.