Eating disorder recovery and break-ups: How one is like the other

Recovery from an eating disorder is a unique and worthwhile experience. Those who work hard in their recovery and put in the therapeutic effort to change only ever regret that didn't start their journey earlier.

However, focusing on the up side to recovery can give those who are suffering, and contemplating treatment, a false impression of what the healing process truly is. In all honesty, recovery from an eating disorder is a truly painful experience, although it is worth it in the end.

Many clients that we have worked with comment that recovering from an eating disorder feels like the process of breaking up with a toxic partner. Below are some of the similarities we have heard from past clients that we like to share to help get you to understand what the process is REALLY like.

You miss your symptoms like you miss that person.

For those suffering from eating disorders, their symptoms can start out as simple coping skills. When someone is stress, lacking some confidence, or needing to feel in control, restricting, binging, purging, or exercising can all 'scratch those emotional itches'. This way of describing symptom behaviors is common in the beginning of someone's illness. 

As time progresses, and symptoms become more familiar, they can take on a relational quality. We have had clients comment that they feel lonely while they are symptom abstinent. And that while they feel better when they eat normally, they are also sad and long for their 'eating disorder friend'.

The way to address this part of recovery is to build new relationships while repairing old ones you may have neglected. Calling friends, setting up coffee dates, doing new things, taking trips, and just generally getting out of the house all help to create new places to find relationship.

An ex can be toxic, but also weirdly comfortable.

When someone is stuck in an abusive relationship, they can confusingly feel that they are attached to the very thing that is harming them. When someone goes through recovery, and they leave their abusive eating disorder voice by stopping their symptom behavior, they often remark that they now feel very uncomfortable when they treat themselves well. At that point, they have become comfortable and almost expect abuse, so that when it doesn't come, they feel very strange!

While toxic and abusive behavior is unethical and harmful, it can also be very familiar, and that familiarity can make people feel comfortable. The key to resolving this issue is to find new ways to feel comfortable. Are there real people who treat you well that you can spend more time with? Are there hobbies or interests that you can pursue that bring you pleasure? Are there new rituals that you can create in your daily life that make you feel connected and purposeful? Eating disorder behaviors are completely replaceable if you know where to look.

Recovery can feel like a betrayal.

When someone has an eating disorder, unfortunately, there is nothing they can do to avoid some amount of pain. If someone sticks it out with their eating disorder symptoms, they will be harmed by those very behaviors. Conversely, if someone chooses recvoery, the recovery process itself is painful.

In addition, any decision a person makes will appear loyal or disloyal depending on what perspective the person is taking in the moment. If someone is loyal to their eating disorder, they are disloyal to recovery. If someone is loyal to their recovery, they are disloyal to their eating disorder. If you lose either way, which side should you choose?

What we usually say to our clients is simple: choose the side that puts you where you want to be in 6 months. Don't choose based on how you feel today, choose based on how you want to feel tomorrow. If you hate waking up with a soar throat, aching stomach, and bad body image, make the choice that will fix those problems in the months ahead as you recover.

Broken hearts can heal.

Eating disorder recovery and break-ups share some common threads. Most important of those commonalities is this: just like people can heal from a broken heart, people can heal from their eating disorders. Being recovered from an eating disorder is 100% possible. There is always hope.

If you are considering starting your recovery journey, reach out today and call us for a free consultation. We are here to help!